Peruvian Chicken At Home! Americas Test Kitchen Nailed It

I have to just pass this on as a link, because it really works. Follow the recipe. I wish I had figured this out myself...Americas Test Kitchen Peruvian Chicken

Its dirty work, but someone has to do it.

Serves 4

This recipe calls for a vertical poultry roaster. If you don’t have one, substitute a 12-ounce can of beer. Open the beer and pour out (or drink) about half of the liquid. Spray the can lightly with nonstick cooking spray and proceed with the recipe. If the top of the chicken is becoming too dark during roasting in step 3, place a 7-inch-square piece of foil over the neck and wingtips. If habanero chiles are unavailable, 1 tablespoon of minced serrano chile can be substituted. Wear gloves when working with hot chiles.

Ingredients

• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1/4 cup lightly packed fresh mint leaves
• 2 tablespoons kosher salt
• 6 medium garlic cloves, peeled and roughly chopped
• 1tablespoon ground black pepper
• 1tablespoon ground cumin
• 1tablespoon sugar
• 2teaspoons smoked paprika
• 2teaspoons dried oregano
• 2teaspoons finely grated zest and 1/4 cup juice from 2 limes
• 1 teaspoon minced habanero chile (see note)
• 1(3 1/2-to 4-pound) whole chicken

There really isn't a way to photograph this that doesnt make it weird

Instructions

• 1. Process all ingredients except chicken in blender until smooth paste forms, 10 to 20 seconds. Using fingers or handle of wooden spoon, carefully loosen skin over thighs and breast and remove any excess fat. Rub half of paste beneath skin of chicken. Spread entire exterior surface of chicken with remaining paste. Tuck wingtips underneath chicken. Place chicken in gallon-size zipper-lock bag and refrigerate at least 6 hours and up to 24 hours.
• 2. Adjust oven rack to lowest position and heat oven to 325 degrees. Place vertical roaster on rimmed baking sheet. Slide chicken onto vertical roaster so chicken stands upright and breast is perpendicular to bottom of pan. Roast until skin just begins to turn golden and instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of breast registers 140 degrees, 45 to 55 minutes. Carefully remove chicken and pan from oven and increase oven temperature to 500 degrees.
• 3. When oven is heated to 500 degrees, place 1 cup water in bottom of pan and return pan to oven. Roast until entire skin is browned and crisp and instant-read thermometer registers 160 degrees inserted in thickest part of breast and 175 degrees in thickest part of thigh, about 20 minutes (replenish water as necessary to keep pan from smoking), rotating bird 180 degrees halfway through cooking.
• 4. Carefully remove chicken from oven and let rest, still on vertical roaster, 20 minutes. Using kitchen towel, carefully lift chicken off vertical roaster and onto platter or cutting board. Carve chicken and serve, passing Spicy Mayonnaise separately.
  
  SPICY MAYONNAISE:
  
  1 large egg
  2 tbs. water
  1 tbs minced onion
  1 tbs juice from 1 lime
  1 tbs minced fresh cilantro
  1 tblspn canned pickled jalapeno minced
  1 medium garlic clove, minced or pressed
  1 tspn yellow mustard
  1/2 tspn kosher salt
  1 cup vegetable oil
  
  
  Process all ingredients except oil in food processor until finely chopped, about 5 seconds. With machine running, slowly drizzle in oil in steady stream until mayonnaise-like consistency is reached,scraping down bowl as necessary.

OR JUST MIX THE SPICES INTO A CUP OF HELLMAN'S MAYONNAISE

Or you can try the incredibly efficient one

Roasted Stuffed Chickens with Potatoes

that I will find the time to describe in detail later, But, cut up an apple, an onion, and any herbs you have, salt and pepper the inside of the  cleaned chicken, stuff in the fruits and veggies, tie it up, sprinkle with pepper and smoked paprika, and roast on a rack over a baking pan. Put scrubbed small potatoes below (to bask in the beautiful drippings). Put in a preheated HOT oven (425, if you don't have an annoying smoke detector, or do have ventilation in your kitchen.) for an hour. Rest for 15 minutes, then serve as fast as you can.